May the Miz Be With You
by TheJondretteGirls
Summary: Starring me, Eppy Liz, attempting to get the characters of Star Wars to perform... Les Mis! Seen about three Harry Potter versions of this, but I think this is the first Star Wars one...
1. Chapter 1

**Well, I've seen about three Harry-Potter-performs-Les-Mis, and I was thinking... CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES! And then, after that, I thought ENJOLRAS IS DREAMY! And then I though STAR WARS! So, yes, Star Wars perform Les Mis, brought to you by Eppy Liz! Everything and anything could go wrong.**

Eppy Liz: Anakin, Luke, stop trying to kill each other. Leia and Han, stop kissing. PADMÉ WILL YOU _PLEASE _STOP CRYING I AM TRYING TO STAGE A PERFORMANCE HERE!

Yoda: Angry, she is.

Eppy Liz: Yoda, you're not helping.

Yoda: Try, I do.

Eppy Liz: Does anyone her speak Yoda? No? UGH! Why is everything so flipping _complicated_?

Luke: You think your life is complicated? I discovered my dad was an evil Sith lord who wanted to kill me and I almost fell in love with someone who turned out to be my sister!

Han Solo: HFUDSHFGDSHFIEWUWEIRJWEOIJ

Eppy Liz: OK, that's pretty messed up. But... NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR LONELY SOUL LUKE! And on that note... you can be Marius!

Luke: Back up! Say what?

Padmé: Have you not been listening to her these last three months?

Luke: No. I was too busy fighting aliens and being awesome.

Eppy Liz: You are not awesome Luke. Anakin is awesome. You are not. We are staging a performance of Les Mis because I am bored, OK?

Luke: No. No we are not.

Eppy Liz: YES WE ARE AND YOU ARE MARIUS SO DEAL WITH IT!

Luke: ...

Eppy Liz: Anywhoo. Anakin can be Jean Valjean because you are both REDEEMED! Yay! But Anakin is redeemed too late and he dies. Nuuuuuuu! Why did you have to DIE ANAKIN?!

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Is she alright?

Padmé: Oh, she'll get over it. Probably.

Eppy Liz: I'M OK NOW! Moving on! Padmé can be Fantine, Leia can be Cosette, Obi-Wan can be Enjolras and, um... CURSE YOU GEORGE LUCAS FOR HAVING PRACTICALLY NO FEMALE CHARACTERS! Padmé, you'll have to double up as Éponine.

Luke: So... my sister and my mum both have romantic feelings for me?

Eppy Liz: It's called ACTING!

Ahsoka Tano: What about me?

Eppy Liz: You're not in this because all you're in is the stupid Clone Wars, and the Clone Wars is rubbish. I mean, whose stupid idea was it to animate Star Wars anyway? IT DOESN'T WORK!

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Are you _sure _she's feeling OK?

Eppy Liz: Ahem. Well... Qui-Gon Jinn can be the bishop and Han Solo can be... OHMAHGOSHYESH GRANTAIRE!

Han Solo: ...

Eppy Liz: And then... The Thenardiers... Jar Jar Binks can be Mme. Thenardier and Yoda can be M. Thenardier!

Yoda and Jar Jar Binks: ...

Eppy Liz: DOES _NO ONE _LIKE MY CASTING?

Everyone: ...

Eppy Liz: Grrrr. Look, just GO WITH IT! Now, Javert... Ooh! THE EMPEROR! THE EMPEROR CAN BE JAVERT!

The Emperor: No. I am not being in this stupid play. I will kill you with my magical lightening and my red glowing stick of awesomeness.

Eppy Liz: We have been over this before. Anakin and I are the only awesome ones here. And I think you'll find _I'm _the author of this story. So you WILL BE JAVERT.

The Emperor: Hmph.

Eppy Liz: Young Anakin can be Gavroche and Young Padmé can be Young Cosette!

Anakin: Do you know how disturbing it is seeing a younger version of myself?

Padmé: It is _kinda _creepy...

Young Anakin: HFFJSDHIOJDEFIEOFVD

Young Padmé: HUFIDSHFUEWREWFKO

Eppy Liz: ... Anywhoo, the storm troopers can be the National Guard and the rebel pilots can be Les Amis! Yay!

Luke: Can I-

Eppy Liz: If you say one more word I will rip your head from your bod and eat your eyes for breakfast.

Leia: Charming.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N I'm backkkkkk! With more! Yay! I stupidly invited my friends over to watch Les Mis with me, and they did not listen AT ALL. To emphasise, they played GANGNAM STYLE during ALFOR, CALL ME MAYBE during Gavroche's death and CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT? during Enjolras and Grantaire's. I was soooo angry. And then one was like:  
"So, when do they come back from the dead?"  
And I was like: Why am I even friends with these stupid people?**

* * *

Eppy Liz: Boom! We are ready to rooollll people! :D

Anakin: Hmmph. BTW, what's a bod?

Eppy Liz: A bod?

Leia: You said you would rip Luke's head from his _bod_.

Eppy Liz: Oh, well, in Star Wars I can never remember who's human and who's not, so I call bodies _bods_ because it's a cross between bodies and robots.

Luke: That is flawless logic that only makes sense to you, I'm guessing?

Eppy Liz: Yay! You're getting it now Lukey-boy! Anywhoo, get lost, you're not in this show for at least another hour and fifteen minutes.

Luke: *grumbles*

Eppy Liz: RIGHT! I need the Emperor, Anakin and some CLONES!

Anakin, Emperor and Clones: *grumbles*

Eppy Liz: Oh, cheer _up _people! C'mon, it's not like anybody's died... Yet. PLACES! We are performing Look Down! Yay.

*everyone gets into places with much grumbling*

Clones: _Look down, look down_  
_Don't look 'em in the eye_  
_Look down, look down,_  
_You're here until you die. _

Clone 1:_The sun is strong_  
_It's hot as hell below_

Clones:_Look down, look down,_  
_There's twenty years to go_

Emperor: BLAH BLAH BLAH! I am not in it therefore it is not cool.

Eppy Liz: _How many times must I stress it to you guys? _The only cool people here are _me _and _Anakin_. Kay? But, yeah, clones are boring. They all look the same.

Clone 2: WELL DOH!

Eppy Liz: This is not an episode of The Simpsons. Stop acting like it is an episode of The Simpsons. It is not. Shut up you stupid clone.

All Clones: Which one?

Eppy Liz: This hurts my brain. I need a lie down. Just skip to the Javert and Valjean part already.

Emperor: _Now bring me prisoner 24601 _MUHAHAHAHA!  
_Your time is up_  
_And your parole's begun _YOU ARE NOW A SITH!  
_You know what that means. _YOU ARE MINE AND YOU WILL ACCIDENTALLY KILL YOUR WIFE!

Anakin: What?

Eppy Liz: Hey! No spoilers!

Anakin: _Yes, it means I'm free. _Yes! I will be free from that dude who imprisoned me and I will win a podrace and-

Young Anakin: *cough* That was me.

Anakin: EPPY LIZ WILL YOU STOP BRINGING YOUNGER VERSIONS OF MYSELF INTO THIS THEATRE.

Eppy Liz: Dude. Calm down. We're gonna need him for the Gavroche parts later anyway.

Emperor: Excuse? Why am I not the centre of attention right now?  
_No! _HA! I'm EVIL!  
_It means you get_  
_Your yellow ticket-of-leave_  
_You are a thief _

Anakin:_ I stole a loaf of bread. _Can I just say that just because I turned to the dark side does not mean you have to blame me for every TINY LITTLE THING that goes wrong -

Eppy Liz: Shut up. I can easily end your awesomeness reputation. So shut up. EVERYONE STOP MAKING SMALL COMMENTS DURING THIS SONG ABOUT YOUR LIFE! YOU ARE ACTING! Right, Padmé, Leia and I are gonna go and discuss girl stuff. Like nail polish and lip gloss, or lack of. Play nice. I'm confiscating your lightsabers and guns. Be good.

Emperor: Can I just say-

Eppy Liz: WILL YOU SHUT UP OR I WILL GET MY SISTER ON YOU! AND SHE HAS JUST BEEN STUDYING FOR HER GCSEs SO SHE IS NOT IN A GOOD MOOD! Right! Ladies! Nail polish!

Leia: You know, I think this silver one would bring out your eyes.

Padmé: Well, I think this royal red one would be good for senators...

Anakin: _MY NAME IS JEAN VALJEAN! _Actually it's Anakin Skywalker. Or Darth Vader, depending on which movie you're watching...

Eppy Liz: Well, I was thinking blue - ACTING ANAKIN! GOOD GRIEF!

Anakin: That is such an English thing to say.

Eppy Liz: Shut up. I've already been told that by my Swedish friend when I was commenting on that Finland person on Eurovision.

Leia: Ooh! Singing?

Emperor: _AND I'M DARTH SIDIOUS!_

Eppy Liz: I'm sorry Leia - NO YOU ARE NOT DARTH SIDIOUS! YOU ARE _ACTING_! YOU ARE _JAVERT_!

Emperor: Meep.  
_Do not forget my name!  
Do not forget me.  
Darth Vader._

Eppy Liz: Acting. It shouldn't be this hard. He is NOT DARTH VADER! He is JEAN VALJEAN, and you are REALLY starting to get on my nerves.

Anakin: I'm not Darth Vader anyway. I'm ANAKIN SKYWALKER!

Padmé: ANAKIN YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART!

Anakin: Oh. Um... sorry?

Clones: _Look down, look down_  
_You'll always be a slave_  
_Look down, look down_  
_You're standing in your grave._ WOW. That was boring.

Eppy Liz: I hate space-age people.


	3. Chapter 3

**So, hey! You're stuck with me, Reese, because Eppy Liz is on school journey. For those of you who don't know, I'm the previous author's sister. She'll be back soon though, I just didn't think you lovely people deserved to have to wait two and a halfish weeks for an update. And I feel like corrupting her stories. Mwahahahahaha. **

* * *

Reese: So, um, hey guys!

*collective mumbling*

Reese: Has my sister been making you do unspeakably embarrassing things?

*more collective mumbling*

Reese: Don't worry, you've got me now! And we will be performing the 'Work Song', so I need Anakin, and two random people. Let's have... Female Jedi and Green Alien!

Anakin: You know, I like you.

Reese: Thanks, hun. Now. PLACES EVERYBODY! I AM GOING TO BE STRICT ABOUT THIS!

Anakin: *stupid grinning*

Reese: Honestly, Anakin honey, you've got a wife. Don't look at me like that.

Padmé: ANAKIN, YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART! FOR THE _SECOND _TIME TODAY!

Anakin: Well, _I'm _sorry.

Reese: You better be, cheating on people ain't a good sign in a man. But, Luke, hun -

Luke: Yeah?

Reese: I'm single. Bear that in mind.

Luke: Um... OK...

Reese: Right, c'mon! We're rolling people, rolling!

Anakin: _Freedom is mine. The earth is still._  
_I feel the wind. I breathe again._  
_And the sky clears_  
_The world is waking._  
_Drink from the pool. How clean the taste._  
_Never forget the years, the waste._  
_Nor forgive them_  
_For what they've done._  
_They are the guilty - everyone._  
_The day begins..._  
_And now lets see_  
_What this new world_  
_Will do for me!_

Reese: Anakin, honey, did you really just sing that whole verse without making one single comment about your life.

Anakin: Yup.

Reese: Didn't think a pathetic creature such as yourself was capable of doing anything right.

Anakin: I thought you liked me!

Reese: Hun, that's my sister. I like Luke.

Luke: I'm flattered. I think.

Reese: Don't mention it. Right, continue!

Green Alien: _You'll have to go_  
_I'll pay you off for the day _  
_Collect your bits and pieces there_  
_And be on your way._

__Anakin: Bwah? Excuse me? I was a Jedi hero, a saviour, a master -

Reese: You turned to the dark side. love. You killed your wife.

Anakin: No I didn't! She died in childbirth!

Reese: She died of a broken heart, doofus. Guess who broke it? _You_.

Padmé: *raised eyebrows*

Reese: It's OK hun, they'll be other men. Believe me, single lives are great.

Padmé: We're... still together... in the afterlife.

Reese: Dump him. He's useless.

Padmé: Are you trying to give me dating advice?

Reese: Course not. I'm trying to give you _dumping _advice.

Anakin: Excusez-moi? _You have given me half_  
_What the other men get!_  
_This handful of tin_  
_Wouldn't buy my sweat!_

Reese: Ew. Why would anyone want to buy your sweat? I mean, come on, it's disgusting. And of course he's given you no money, you turned to the dark side!

Anakin: I was redeemed.

Reese: Too late. You already killed about half a million people. You don't deserve redemption_. _You are a useless, imbecilic, idiotic, pathetic, snivelling -

Anakin: That's enough...

Green Alien: Ahem._ You broke the law_  
_It's there for people to see_  
_Why_ _should you get the same_  
_As honest men like me?_

Anakin: Because, erm, er... LUKE! I AM YOUR FATHER!

Luke: Dad. We sorted this out ages ago. Shut up.

Anakin: But I'm not a normal dad, I'm a cool dad, right, Leia?

Leia: Please stop talking. Now.

Anakin:_ Now every door is closed to me_  
_Another jail. Another key. Another chain_  
_For when I come to any town_  
_They check my papers_  
_And they find the mark of Cain_  
_In their eyes I see their fear_  
_`We do not want you here.' _Why didn't this dude just chuck away these damn papers?

Reese: Hun, let's not run before we can walk.

Female Jedi: _My rooms are full_  
_And I've no supper to spare_  
_I'd like to help a stranger_  
_All we want is to be fair_

Anakin: You little *$^%! There is a room _right there_! Right there!

Reese: HUN! THIS FIC IS K+! NO LANGUAGE!

Anakin: youlittlemeaniepantswhoputyouinchargeanywayiprefer redyoursistershewasawesomecozshesaidiwasaweomeandy eah.

Reese: What was that, hun?

Anakin: Nothing...

Reese: Thought so.

Anakin:_ I will pay in advance_  
_I can sleep in a barn_  
_You see how dark it is_  
_I'm not some kind of dog!_

Green Alien:_ You leave my house_  
_Or feel the weight of my rod_  
_We're law-abiding people here_  
_Thanks be to God._

Anakin: _And now I know how freedom feels_  
_The jailer always at your heels_  
_It is the law!_  
_This piece of paper in my hand_  
_That makes me cursed throughout the land_  
_It is the law!_  
_Like a cur_  
_I walk the street,_  
_The dirt beneath their feet._

__Reese: No, no, no, honey. You're singing it all wrong.

Anakin: How?

Reese: You just are. Deal with it. Right! Qui-Gon Jinn! Let's have some Bishop action over hear!

Qui-Gon:_ Come in, Sir, for you are weary,_  
_And the night is cold out there._  
_Though our lives are very humble_  
_What we have, we have to share._  
_There is wine here to revive you._  
_There is bread to make you strong,_  
_There's a bed to rest till morning,_  
_Rest from pain, and rest from wrong._

Reese: No one should be nice to Anakin. He's such a !£$ &.

Anakin: You little hypocrite...

Reese: I'm the temporary author. What I say goes.

Anakin: _He let me eat my fill_  
_I had the lion's share_  
_The silver in my hand_  
_Cost twice what I had earned_  
_In all those nineteen years -_  
_That lifetime of despair_  
_And yet he trusted me._  
_The old fool trusted me -_  
_He'd done his bit of good_  
_I played the grateful serf_  
_And thanked him like I should_  
_But when the house was still,_  
_I got up in the night._  
_Took the silver!  
Took my flight!_

Reese: I mean, darlings, that's _such _an Anakin thing to do, isn't it? He's just the sort of person who would be mean and horrible like that.

Leia: He. Is. The. Worst. Dad. Ever.

Anakin: I can hear you!

Reese: Hun, that was the point.

* * *

**Yeah, so I was wondering if anyone wanted to join my sister in, um, controlling these people? 'Cause if you do, can you leave it in a review? :D **

**Reese xx**


End file.
